I never thought I'd wish to be a board book.

Around here you've got to be tough if you're going to withstand Master W.'s fists of fury. Just the other day I watched him tear apart The Runaway Bunny's book jacket. I just pray I'm not next on his hit list.

Man, I hate laundry day.

Miss C. always forgets to pull her stuff out of the washer.

It's been way too long.

I've been feeling a little lonely ever since Miss C. ditched me for her mama's real vacuum. Then Master W. spotted me and I've been cruising the hardwoods again.

Man, it sure feels good to be loved again.

Frog legs taste terrible, honest!

And I'm not just saying that because you've got one of mine in your fist. They're really rather gamey and there just isn't enough meat on them to make it worth your while.

He's on a mission.

A seek-and-destroy mission, if you ask me. I was almost finished baking Miss C.'s berry pie when Master W. came along. Now all of the eggs are broken, the cookies have crumbled and the pie is oozing berry goo into my drawer.

Thanks, Mr. Grabby Hands.

Don't ask me.

I have no idea what she was thinking when she put me in this shoe.

I agree, it's not the most glamorous way to travel.

But let me assure you, dangling precariously from the back of a suitcase lends a certain amount of excitement to the hotel stay. I'm definitely living dangerously!

My career is really taking off.

Miss C. gave me a promotion this week. I  used to be an ordinary building block, but now I'm a steam iron at her sewing table. This is going to look fantastic on my resume.

From grand castle...

...to boiled noodles. I'm completely mortified.

Stop pushing me!

I was using it first!